While most people are celebrating Mother’s Day today, remembering all the good things mothers do and have done in their unconditional love for their children, I saw a post on Face Book by someone who did not share this experience. It was obvious that the mother in question had caused a great deal of pain and Mother’s Day reminded her of all this past hurt, rubbing salt in her wounds.
I felt for her as I saw some connections with her previous posts and looked for quite some time on google for the right article expressing the thoughts going through my mind to make her feel better. From years of research to find answers and solutions for my own (different) issues, I felt I may have some insights of interest to her, but failed to locate an article able to express everything I wanted to tell her.
Many years ago a Tibetan Buddhist Monk told me that they believe that stress creates poison arrows in the body. At that time I was going through a stressful period and did not understand the mechanics of this, however could see the negative results it had on my own health. In my quest for answers I read many articles based on scientific research and learned that the body produces very different chemicals in a state of stress than when feeling happy and in harmony. These chemicals cause indeed a lot of havoc from digestive problems to psychological disorders and can eventually even lead to terminal illness, if not corrected in time.
In my case most of my stress was caused by habits absorbed into my subconscious during my early childhood. How this exactly works is very well explained by Dr. Bruce Lipton, (https://www.brucelipton.com/about and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pJwYcK08iQ) for anyone wanting to understand the mechanics better. I absorbed these habits by observing my mother and yes I did blame her a bit for raising me into a stress filled person, until I looked at our family history in more detail.
She had been through a very stressful period in her own life not long before I came along. She was the sole caretaker of 3 elderly men, including my quadriplegic grandfather, after her mother passed away from a stroke at the age of 53. My grandmother also had been through a lot of difficulties during her short life.
Most people react from their subconscious the majority of time (research suggests 95%) and are unaware of the origins of most of their responses, because they relate to a part of their life that has very few conscious memories left! This is due to the fact that the mind works in a different state after the age of 6, compared to when a lot of these memories were made and “recorded” into the subconscious before that.
Understanding this, it becomes clear that my stress response habit was subconsciously “inherited” from at least 2 generations before me, if not more. Thankfully I also absorbed a lot of good habits, that show to me that subconscious habits are extremely important for functioning well overall.
I am grateful that nowadays access to this sort of information is so easy using the internet and that I found an understanding that there was really no one to blame for my predicament because the people that had passed it to me were in reality victims themselves! The good news is, I was able to break this chain by educating myself and work on changing my subconscious patterns.
Going back to the start, how can this post help the situation of the person suffering pain from the childhood memories? The understanding that this mother inadvertently may have been a victim herself, reacting unconsciously out of subconscious habits, can possibly transform her pain and grudge into compassion and forgiveness.
Pain and grudges cause stress resulting in disease, whereas compassion and forgiveness lead to health and happiness! Education, understanding and awareness are the key to healing the past! Maybe today is a good day to break the chain of past suffering and start healing?
Happy Mothers Day!
8 thoughts on “Mother’s Day and Forgiveness”
Great post. It’s hard to change something like that, that’s imbedded in to who you are. But it’s the human condition, right? We identify things that we think could make us better people and try to work toward those things…
Thank you for your lovely response 🙂 My aim with this post is to create a little more understanding and forgiveness, which is the first step in easing the burden and moving towards a positive change. Someone came up with the following metaphor: “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Doctors are generally not taught to look at the bigger picture, so it is up to ourselves to dig a little deeper and find the real cause of our illness to facilitate true healing.
That reminds me, too, of another one. Holding onto a grudge is like allowing someone else to live rent free in your mind…sooo many metaphors! Lol…but I think you achieved your goal with this one.
Thank you 🙂
Thanks so much, Pollyesther. It’s so important to keep these bodily responses in mind when holding onto anger, hurt, grudges no matter how right we might be. Or, how wronged!
Great to catch up with you after awhile. Didn’t go skiing last year but plan to get there this year. Did go sailing last week so my adventures continue.
Great to hear from you Rowena, it has been a while! I am glad you enjoyed my post and to see your adventures continue, looking forward to some more great adventures from you! xxPollyesther
I agree wholeheartedly. It’s imperative to heal from past wounds, because it affects our own happiness and that of our own children.
Absolutely, Gulara, as well as creating disease in the person carrying the burden of not forgiving for too long! Thank you for following! 🙂